Goodbye yoga pants..

Why are they called yoga pants anyways? 

Who actually does yoga in the pants?

I keep sitting down to write these posts and such deep, emotional things come to my mind.  Maybe it is my escape or maybe as 2 people this past week have told me, I am mature and sound like an.... ADULT.  Yikes.  

I always plan stuff out in my head on how I expect it to go, setting expectations pretty high most of the time.  Example; mothers day.  I imagine being woken up about 10 am with a nice knock on the door with a tray of breakfast and flowers which I enjoy as I continue to lay in bed.  After breakfast, we go to the park, enjoy a nice walk and play on the playground.  Then have a nice picnic with my family.  Come home, take a nap before or after I get a massage, whichever is first, I am not picky.  Maybe watch a movie cuddled up on the couch with my boys.  Eat a nice home cooked meal prepared by someone else and not clean up a single dish.  Enjoy some tv before going to bed at 8pm.  I mean, that isn't setting my expectations too high, right?  Wrong.  A lot of things have changed since having #2.  I am starting to become more easy going.  (I said starting too... I am now like 1% easy going where I was 0%.. baby steps people)  So yeah, the whole mothers day thing was nothing like planned.  Except we did go to the park, went on a walk, threw rocks and played on the playground.  We even had a picnic.  Actually it was more like two picnics because Cameron was screaming so bad that Kordell ate first with Landon while I held Cameron.  Then, Kordell took the screaming child and I ate.  Then we couldn't get Cameron to quite down so we had to leave early and fast so he didn't disturb all of the other park goers and their mothers day picnics.  We won't even talk about a certain 3 year olds attitude.  Since Kordell had a baseball game (On mothers day? Yes, I know..) I did end up having dinner prepared by someone else.  General Mills.  Oh, and I did get a massage...certificate.  I did get another unforgettable gift.  A tick...in my pants.  Who wanted to go to the park anyways??  As I laid down for bed that night, I couldn't help but smile.

 

We went over 3 years without using a band aid on Landon (except for shots at the dr) and have now gone through an entire box in a matter of weeks.  If this is any indication of what summer will be like, we are in trouble.  It all started the first day swimming at my parents new pool.  "Don't run Landon."  "Walk Landon." "Landon, slow down."  And just like that, he acted as if he broke his leg. He couldn't walk for several minutes and then when he figured out his leg was still there, he limped.  He was hyperventilating from crying so hard.  Brace yourself; it's ugly.

 

 

I know, right?  I really did have sympathy for him after it happened, it's always sad seeing your little one get hurt and cry.  BUT, this happened about a month ago.  He has not sat down in the bath tub since because he thinks it is going to hurt.  He wouldn't let us take his band aid off for several days which caused him to have a rash.  When we did get the band aid off, it was a two person job.  I am sure if you live within a 5 mile radius, you heard.  Any person we see, he tells them about his leg.  He comes home from the babysitter every day and tells us his leg doesn't hurt, as if he is shocked.  Every night at dinner when we pray, we have to pray for his leg.  I guess there is something about that first injury you cannot forget.  Not even a week later, he had another accident.  This time a folding table fell on him and this is what happened...

 

 

Luckily this injury did not leave a lasting mark on his psychiatric well being like the leg.  Knock on wood we haven't had any other "serious" boo boo's since then.  We are going to have to start our prayers about an hour before dinner! 

 

I am 7 (work days) away from trading in my cozy pants and t-shirts for my dress pants and heels.  I recently read an article where the working mom wrote a letter to the stay at home mom and the stay at home mom wrote a letter to the working mom.  I think I should do this for myself; write a letter to myself in both roles.  No, I am not an expert "stay at home mom" (sahm as they call it) but after these past 12 weeks, I have a pretty good understanding.  On those days when I am asking myself "is this what I really want?" I can turn to the letters and remember, both roles have their pros and both have their cons. 

 But which one has the most pros? 

 

I'll consider this my SAHM letter...

I have such respect for people who stay home with their child(ren) or anyone else's child(ren) for that matter.  You have all seen those funny youtube videos of the stay at home mom rapping about throw up in her hair, cheerios all over the floor, haven't showered for days, still in her PJ's, etc.  It's all true.  Every single thing.  I thought it would be fun staying at home but little did I know our little guy would have serious reflux.  Maybe that has a lot to do with how I feel about staying home verses working.  I leave the house once a day, unless it rains, to go on a walk because it calms him down.  90% of the time it is successful, the other times people stare at me like "do you hear your child screaming?"  Yep I do, I can only run so fast.  I attempted to take him to a few stores with me; we have had to leave multiple times before I was finished.  One time I was half way done grocery shopping and had to ditch my cart; it was still there when I returned childless an hour later.  Phew.  No, it's not like this for everyone but for me, stay at home mom means stay at home.  As strange as it sounds, sitting here all day with a fussy reflux baby who constantly needs held, is exhausting.  After a while you can start making songs up with the sound of the cries.   People at work always say I am good at blocking things out, you could say I have had some practice.  I always thought sahm's had the luxury of taking naps. Ha! That worked for about the first week, probably because I was beyond exhausted.  IF I am able to put him down for a nap, I'll use that time to eat or possibly shower.  You know it's a good day if you get to do both!  It is just different being home all day versus working all day.  Your to-do list, goals and projects are completely different.  As a sahm, my biggest accomplishment for the day (other thank showering) is getting him to smile in a picture.  If that doesn't work, any cute pose will do.

 

 

I make staying at home sound bad, but it really isn't.  There are good days too.  And those days, I never want to end.  I love watching Cameron grow day by day.  He does the weird baby movements like he's dancing and jumps at any loud noise.  I love his dimples.  I love his coo'ing and his smiles. I love the smile on his face when Landon talks to him.  I love his pouty lower lip.  I love watching him stare at things, trying to soak in the word around him.  I will miss these things when I go back to work more than anything.  It is hard to face the fact that I will most likely miss the first time he rolls over, first time he sits up, crawls and walks. 

It's even harder knowing it will be the last first's that I will miss. 

 

These next few days will consist of nothing less than cuddle time and play time with my littlest man.  I will enjoy every minute I have left before I retire my stay at home mom hat and turn back into the working mom.

 

This song has nothing to do with my post but since my keyboard is now wet, I need a song to make me happy.  Happy Friday.

 

 

 

Oh baby..

I almost forgot how small, tiring, innocent, dependent and just *a lot* that babies are!

 What exactly do I mean? Let me explain..

Small: I think that is pretty self explanatory. The crazy thing is, is that Cameron was 8 pounds 3 ounces when he was born and Landon was 6 pounds 14 ounces, so technically Cameron wasn't that small. Who am I kidding? When I can pick up, move and hold my child with one hand, he's small. I find it funny that just about a month ago, I used to think Landon was so small. Not anymore.. I can hardly pick him up! He is like a giant. I just look at Landon's "giant" hands and feet and remember when they looked just like Camerons; so tiny and small (and clean!). No matter 30 pounds or 9 pounds; I still have two precious little babies.

 Tiring: Again, I think we all know where I am going with this. I don't do well on little sleep, like, I REALLY don't do well on little sleep. I am not a pleasure to be around, at all. I am physically, emotionally and mentally messed up. It's a true story; it's bad. Just ask my family, they get the pleasure of "lack of sleep Erin." During the week, since I am on maternity leave, I get up with Cameron. The weekends, Kordell gets the "Cameron shift" and I get the "Landon shift." I am still debating which shift is better/worse. See, Cameron may wake up every 3-4 hours to eat, but that is pretty much a 24 hour routine. So if you want to sleep in until 10am (or 2pm) you can. Just feed him and he'll go back to sleep. Landon on the other hand likes to get up anywhere between 5:30-7:30. I tried putting on a TV show so I could continue sleeping, but between him jumping in the bed or him continuously saying "mommy, shows over" every time there is a commercial break, there is no going back to sleep for this shift. It's a matter of getting a full nights sleep but getting up at the crack of dawn or getting interrupted sleep but sleeping in as late as you want. Having both shifts in one night....torture. One day my children will go to bed at 8 and sleep in until 10... they may be in college, but it's bound to happen. Let's just pray Cameron sleeps through the night by the time I return to work or things could get ugly!

Innocent/Dependent: All babies want is a helping hand...babies can't do anything on their own, I mean nothing. Alright, I guess they can drink from a bottle on their own, although we often have to remind Cameron why there is a bottle in his mouth and what the task at hand is! When I had Cameron, the first thing they did at the hospital was put him on my chest. (they didn't do this 3 years ago with Landon!) They didn't examine at him, clean him, weigh him, measure him or anything until he laid on my chest for 1 hour. I like to think this is why Cameron ALWAYS wants to be held. Sometimes I can put him down but I have to make sure he is somehow still touching me. And when he is not being held or touched.. he is probably crying. This is where that whole dependent/innocent thing comes in to play. As much as I don't like constant crying, he is only crying because he isn't happy. Cameron has been having reflux issues since birth so when he cries for hours on end, I know he means no harm. He is depending on us to try and figure out how to cheer him up and make him feel better... one day we will figure it out. For now we will thank God for his innocence and cute face to pull us through.

*A lot*:  Maybe you have a different word for it, but that is all I can come up with.  Babies are a lot!  They eat a lot, sleep a lot, cry a lot, poop a lot, etc.  But the real "a lot" is the bottles, laundry and packing.  I swear I am spending my whole maternity leave washing bottles and doing laundry.  It is never ending.  I don't think all of my laundry has been done in 6 weeks; there is always something dirty!  Now that Landon is "potty trained" (thanks people for warning me about this regression thing!) we haven't had to pack a diaper bag for a while to leave the house.  Depending on how long we are gone we may have to pack a snack or drink but now-a-days... we need bottles, but you never really know how long you will be gone or if they are going to decide they want an extra bottle so you end up packing way more than needed.. Diapers - same thing as above.  Burp clothes (yes, plural, with reflux he saturates about 6 a day.)  Pacifiers.. wipes.. medicine.. etc.  I am usually early or at least on time for things; not anymore.  Go ahead and just plan on me being 15 minutes late.  Getting out the door with a baby is exhausting.  Trying to get a baby out the door with a toddler, impossible. 

 

So yeah, babies are *a lot* but I wouldn't trade these trying times for the world.  I am lucky enough to have a husband who understands me and has a way of knowing just the right time to step in and save me.  It's the small things he does that means the most.  When I got home from the hospital he had left some gifts for me on the counter and as much as I like presents, the thing that meant the most to me is that the shiny one he purchased over a year and a half ago, waiting for this day.  When I asked him, "what would've happened if this day didn't come?" 

He said "you would have gotten it anyway, you deserve it." 

 

He's definitely "The One Thing..." 

And then there were four...

400 

That is exactly how many days it has been since my last post.  Sorry.  Sorry to Landon that is.  I am not good at the whole baby book thing so I started this blog to capture the moments I wanted to make sure we remember because if Landon has a memory like his mother, he won't remember!  So here's to another attempt at this whole blog thing. 

 

I won't try and catch up on the past year.. Landon turned 3, we got pregnant and March 30th 2014, we welcomed our second son,
Cameron, into the world. 

 

Ok, I know what you are saying; who does their hair and put on make up before they have a baby?!  Trust me, it was strange.  I went to my weekly appointment Tuesday and the doctor said if I don't have the baby by Sunday at noon to come to the hospital and they will induce me.  It is probably one of the weirdest feelings eating breakfast in the morning, knowing you will be having a child later that day.  Or, saying goodbye to your son before you leave for the hospital to go give birth to his brother. 

Talk about emotional... there went my mascara! 

 

I didn't complain [publicly] much during my pregnancy.  Once we got pregnant, I really was one of the lucky ones.  I have never thrown up with either pregnancy, no real food issues, no cravings, no major health issues during pregnancy, etc.  It was pretty easy for me.   These past few weeks though have been really tough on me physically and emotionally.  If you haven't been pregnant before, its a lot of work!  Towards the end, you can't tie your shoes, you run out of breath just talking, you walk like an elephant, you hurt just about everywhere on your body, your ankles swell, your tired, your hungry but your stomach is so big you can't eat, you can't sit up on your own, getting in and out of bed is near impossible, shall I continue?  So with all of those amazing side effects, comes the emotional part.  If I had to hear "that baby hasn't come yet?"  "When are you going to have that baby?"  "Wow you have really gotten bigger."  "I am surprised you haven't had that baby yet..." I GET IT.  Note to self.  A pregnant woman does not want to hear this.  Yes, a pregnant woman will get bigger, its a proven fact.  If it looks like she is still pregnant, she is.  The baby will come someday, I promise.   Don't ask. 

Ok, my rant is over.

  

They say every pregnancy is different and boy are "they" right!  I went in for my induction at noon and 5 hours later, they finally put the IV in my arm.  (that's another story in itself..)  They broke my water at 6:21pm and at 8:30pm, Cameron was born. He was 8 pounds 2 ounces and 19.5 inches long and made it just in time for Landon to come up to meet him and sing him happy birthday! 

 

We have been talking about Landon's "Baby Brother" for 9 months now but I don't think he quite understood that the baby was going to eventually be out of my belly.  (thank goodness!!)  I was scared how he was going to react when he saw his brother for the first time, but he was SO excited.  I will never forget the smile on Landon's face when he came in the room and how timid he was to touch him.  It didn't take long for him to ask to hold his "baby brother."  Seeing Landon hold Cameron for the first time was something I'll always cherish.  He is so proud to be a big brother. 

 

I was told at week 37, based on how far along I was already progressing, that I would have a baby that week.  No baby.  I was told at 38 weeks the same thing, no baby.  Talk about a long wait!  I had weekly ultrasounds the last month of my pregnancy and was told some concerning things during one appointment that made us a little worried.  Ok, very worried.  So, we had to just sit with this information in our head for weeks.  When Cameron was born I just had to smile at our perfect, healthy baby boy.  There is something special about that moment they put your baby in your arms, like any care in the world just disappears.  Nothing else matters. 

 

And now there are four....These past few days have been quite the adjustment.  There is now an extra person around, an extra room, an extra car seat; he may be small but he sure makes his mark!  Jackson seems to be scared of him and Landon, well he has the attention span of a 3 year old.  About the time it takes you to set up pillows for him to hold Cameron, he is already over it.  I am sure we still have a lot to learn adjusting to a family of 4 but I know we can do it.  All of the fears, doubts, tears and heartaches along the way were worth it in the end.  5 years ago I would have never thought I would be able to have two beautiful healthy boys.  I thank God everyday for the family he has blessed me with and look forward to the memories ahead.